Thursday, January 29, 2009

One of those days

were everyone is driving me crazy ........ and i feel like i OD of caffeine or i am on a continues drop on a roller coaster, or 5,000 butterflies are in my stomach (in a bad way), or i am having sever social anxiety ......ooooh i just want this day to be over and this feeling to STOP! I am avoiding social interaction at all cost because it just makes me more aggravated (wow am i bitter today for no good reason).

I hope i wake up on the right side of the best tomorrow and can sit up without pain .... thanks to shoveling the driveway yesterday i cannot turn or sit without support today...darn heavy snow!

Update on CD 14

OPK negative ........ no ovulation pains like last month ..... hmmmmmmmmm

Using this outlet to let it all out

I am stressed out and worried and i have only been awake for 30 minutes....... not a good sign for the rest of the day!

So today is CD14 ... ovulation day.... except it is not looking that way. My CM is still fairy dry, OPK negative yesterday. Last month my temperature had increased by CD 14 and this month it is a degree lower than last month on this day (one degree is significant in the TTC world).

Way before we started trying i had this gut instinct that something was wrong with me and that conceiving would be much harder than everyone thought for us. Obviously these gut instincts were tied to me observing my body every single month for the past few years. It just never seemed right because it was off from what the normal should be and even though every women's normal is different i still felt as though it was too abnormal.

I realize that i should made a doctors appointment to make sure everything is ok and be able to fix anything that isn't ok but i have two reasons for putting it off. One is that they scare me to death..... and two is that i would want to go tomorrow not in a few weeks, that waiting would drive me crazy beyond belief.

Quote: Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear.
Author: Monroe Forester
Source: Body, Mind and Spirit

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Uneasy day in the TTC department


I am trying so so so so hard to stay positive, relaxed, and keeping in the mindset of it will happen when it is suppose to happen BUT it is so hard because when it comes down to it i cannot suppress the feeling of i want it to happen now!! I have been tracking my temperature every morning and paying attention to CM changes. This month i bought a OPK (ovulation perdition tests) because i wanted reassurance that the process was actually occurring. Why? because i do not see the significantly important EWCM (egg white fluid) that is present during ovulation. When i was younger i clearly remember it but have not experienced it in over four-five years now. Last month i saw in increase in watery CM around CD 12-16. Last month my temperature tracking was not as religious as it has been this month but at CD14 my temperature had risen above the coverline.

So...why am i uneasy today because i started taking the OPK tests on Monday with the notion that i should get a positive on Wednesday because ovulation should occur Thursday well today is Wednesday and the test was negative which means that i will not ovulate within the next 12-48 hours. I also have had realativly dry CM which is very odd for me at this stage in my cycle and the symtom that i making me the most concerned.

I was looking into the sperm frieldy lubricant called preseed today. It is said to mock the consistancy of EWCM to help cenception occur. They stock it in a drug store on the NE side of Indy. I am debating on driving up there and getting some but i am not sure. I kind of want to stick this cycle out and see if the increase in BD-ing and laying down after our dates will be enough to do it and then look into preseed if we are back in this position again next month. I really hope that we arn't, obviously. I really do not know what else to do to increase my changes this month. I also look musenix this morning which is suppose to help thin CM...we will see.

Alex's family is coming to visit March 3rd and i really really hope that we have exciting news to tell them, i am praying :-)

Southern Bell

I am always jealous of girls who grew up in the south. I love the idea of pearls, cute dresses, southern accents, sweet demeanor, beautiful southern plantations, sweet tea, and wrap around porches. In my next life i want to be a southern belle.

Sunday, January 25, 2009


I love thrifting!!! This past Saturday two of my co-workers, Beth and Teresa, and I went thrifting at one of the local goodwill that was rumored to be "a good one". Here is what i made out with....

Nice light blue cashmere sweater.

Jumping the gun and bough a pair of maternity capris that i will be able to wear to work--new with tags from Target.

Two pairs of tan pants, right side is from J Crew and left side is The Limited and they are a long :-)

Four shirts with tags from target!

New with tags (59.99) Ann Taylor Loft!!

new with tag 3/4 length aqua button down shirt
i love this shirt--from express dark black 3/4 length button down shirt with banding across ribs to make you look skinner :-)


Here are some random pictures from January 2009.

Our little prince charmin'

JuJi and Mama

Baby shower for Erin at work

Baby shower at Erin's house

My new bag :-)

I love purses. Mmmm yes yes i have a soft spot in my heart few a new bag :-) It has been awhile since i have purchased one and could not be more excited about the choice i finally ended up making. I needed a brown shoulder bag and here is why. I love my Louis Vuitton Speedy bag, i really do. It was my second LV piece and my first LV bag but i carry quite a lot of baggage and holding that bag in my hand or on my forarm was rough and not very enjoyable. It is great when you want to sneak snacks intot he movie theater but for a long day out of shoping it was quite cumborsum and tiring so i have been on the look out for a new shoulder tote. I have a black leather coach bag that i have used religiousy since i bought it three years ago and it still looks as thought i bought it yesterday, Alex is even fond of this bag. So i turned to coach again looking for a brown leather tote. After much debate i purchased this bag.....
I love it, love it, love it!!!! It has a red satin interior which was the main selling point to me... i love a little unexpected spice :-)

Another tip from my coach.....

Another tip my coach gave me for staying positive while waiting for my big fat positive (BFP in the TTC world) was making lists. Since i love making lists and ideas boards i decided to that her up on this idea. I am sure there will be many list and posts of things i like to come but here is my first. I wanted to post pictures of room ideas i like for our little bambino.

I love this room! I love the combination of sage green walls and the dark wood furtiture. If little Lucy comes i would use pink as the accent color and if it little Liam i would stick with bright white accents.

I love how the walls are painted in this nursery and again the dark wood furniture.

I love this travel system. Can you tell i have an affinity for a certain color palate for the most part? I like this because we would be able to use it again for a second child (god willing) even if it was a different sex. I think it is really cute :-)

That is my list for today. Ekkkk it makes me even more excited. The next suggestion my coach had was to actually paint the room.....hmmmmmm i am not sure if the hubs will let me go THAT far hehe :-)

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Because my health coach told me to.....

That is part of the reason i am here ... because my amazing health coach told me to. Erin and I are using each other as practice clients for our certification to became a certified health coach. It has been amazing experiences so far! I went into being coach with the attitude of "good luck coaching a contemplator!" but i have made so many changes so far that have benefited me so much.

So here is my deal. I have had on again off again baby fever for years--yes even before we were married. After we got married baby fever struck hard at a very low time in my life. I had left a job that i absolutley loved and moved 600 miles away from everything and everyone . I was an overachiver in school and in past jobs and when i could not land a job for the life of me i sunk into a dark place that took a lot of helping hands to get out of. In Septemeber i landed my dream job with came with a great added bonus, a great friend. Erin and I started work on the same day and bonded from the begining. We were close in age and at similar points in our lives. I always felt that i could be open with her and to this day she knows more about me than anyone else--even those who have been in my life for years on end. My job also came with the most honest, compassionate, and caring co-workers anyone could ask for. They all saw me struggle being so far from my past and were always there with a "mindful" ear to listen and a hug to reassure me that things would get easier. I am so happy to say that things are wonderful now. Having these wonder co-workers which i more so consider my friends were able to bring out the old Sarah and make me happy again and enjoy all Indy has to offer. When the issue arose that Alex may be rolocated in the fall of 2009, i was devistated to think that i may have to leave Indy--because it was becoming home and i was happy. That dark cloud of that issue is starting to break up with some wonderful news we recived last Friday :-)

So back to baby land......

I started my job in Septmeber with that baby fever still burning when i met Erin who at that time was four months pregnany. She is now 35 weeks--wow how time flies. Needless to say she made the fever burn stronger. Alex was afraid of many things when it came to the subject of starting a family. He was afrain of the financial strain it would cause and was afraid of what he would be as a father. Many nights of crying took place because i could not fathum waiting much longer. The convorsations ended and i didn't talk it about it as much so that i would not annoy him with the constant nagging--i knew that he wanted children and i knew we wanted them sooner rather than later--so i had hope that he would come around. Fast forward to the begining of December. Alex started make a lot more remarks about how fun it will be when we have children and other positive comments about starting a family. After much debate i asked him while out to eat at Squeelers if he was feeling any different about starting a family--he said he was. I told him that i would love to have a baby by next Christmas and he agree that he would like that as well. We left that night with the agreement that we would start trying to concive :-)

Cycle 1 TTC

I was familiar with charting and all the signs of fertility so when our first cycle rolled around i felt ready to go at this knowledgably. We surrounded for optimal chances to concor--if you will. It is awful how much your mind can play games with you. In the weeks procedding i was eating everything in site, feeling the right pains, my temperature was still high, so forth and ect. I did not want to get my hopes up because this was cycle 1 and the chances even if everything went right were only 25%. The tests labeled "Results 5 days earlier" got the best of me and i decided to test on Monday -- 5 days become the due arrival of AF--negative of course but i didn't give up hope. Then Friday came along with AF, i was a little sad but happy that i knew because the suspence was killing me. I went shopping picked up a few pants and shirts on clearance and i felt a little better--retail therapy solves all my problems.

So here we are Cycle 2 and T-5 days until projects O-Day haha i love the termonology. I purchased an ovulation detecter kit to use this cycle just as a back up to hopefuly show me that everything is working, added reasurrance is all i needed.

So here i am with the answer to why i started this blog in the first place. I am writing because i want to stay positive. I do not was to be depressed each month when AF arrives. I want to be able to focus on the goal and stay positive--it will happen when it happens.

PS. I will probably still get my hopes up this month--i am praying that it happens :-)

That is another thing i wanted to say. I am praying that it happens this month and yes to be honest i was upset when i got AF last month and one of the many things that daughnts my mind it the fact that there are so many couples out there who have been trying to convice for years and years and i have no right to be upset after one month. It will happen i know it will i just need to stay postive, optimistic, and relaxed :-)

Have an awesome weekend!


Friday, January 23, 2009

Friday Quotes

Here are two quotes i found inspiring today. The first is from my group coaching instructor and the second is from a blog that i frequent.

“Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling.”
Margaret Lee Runbeck (1905-1956)

"God is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine."
Ephesians 3:20

Thursday, January 22, 2009

My New Blog

Welcome to my new blog Growing On Gettysburg.

I have one public announcement before i start putting it all out there. I am not a good writer, especially when i am typing profusely to get things off my mind. Spell check is my best friend but often times not that great to me. I am not sure if i will ever go public with this blog but if i do i wanted to have that in the open. I acknowledge this as a weakness.