Thursday, February 19, 2009

Doctors Appointment Update

It has been an interesting last few days; so many emotions are being slammed together in my head that I almost feel numb to anything going on. I am so excited about being pregnant but I am so apprehensive and pessimistic that all is going well. The spotting has continued every other night since last Friday. On Monday when I got my first positive test at home. I had such hope that is would stop and I was fine all day on Monday then Tuesday morning when I woke up I noticed that it had started again over night, very light, but still there and seeing that color makes me panic. So I prayed and prayed and prayed some more than it would stop and inside my head I hear this voice that said “Sarah make a doctors appointment and it will stop” I am not sure if it was me saying that or someone else but I made an appointment right after that; and with my fear of that doctor making an appointment was a big deal and a big step for me. My appointment was for the next day, Wednesday, at 8:45 am. Tuesday was the longest day of my life! I just wanted it to be over so that I could go get checked out. So Wednesday comes and I go to the appointment and I get rescheduled because the doctor is delivering a baby……at least I got to talk to the nurse who was a big help and very nice but I still had to wait until the next day, Thursday, to go back. Wednesday evening I noticed the spotting had started again and I really panicked this time; I just want it to stop and everything to go well……. Wednesday night I had by first, I assume of many, emotional breakdowns. The truth is I don’t feel like I deserve this baby and I feel like it is going to be taken away from me because of that. That is my true feelings and why I am being so pessimistic about this situation. I pray that God forgives me for the mistakes I’ve make, I pray that I am not punished and that I have hurt long enough, I pray that things turn around and our baby is healthy and growing stronger each day.

So I finally went to my appointment today, I never thought I’d be excited to be there hehe. I had to do a urine test first, which I might add was extremely difficult to do after I had just gone at home, but none the less I got some out and got a positive test result :-) which I now possess as a souvenir/memorabilia. After that the nurse told me she was ready for me. I need to note that I already love this woman! She has been so kind to me the two times I have been there so far and seems so concerned and I so personable, she makes me feel as though I am a relative of hers, I am very excited that I will get to see her more often. So she took me back into the room and took my BP which was surprisingly normal, I normally have a BP of about 140-60 at the doctor because I panic. She then asked me some basic questions and told me the doctor would be in to talk with me shortly. Dr. Richardson came in and I instantly felt relived he seemed so nice and kind and seemed to have a similar personality as me. We talked a bit and then he asked me to get into a gown while he left the room. While a was getting changed I hear a voice in the hall which I swore sounded like Erin. The next thing I know the doctor sticks his head in the room and says to me “Erin is in the next room, she is in labor, she wants to know if she can stick her head it” OMG!!! I told him yes or course! I was so happy that I was able to see her and wish her well!!! It is an ironic and memorably story I hope neither of us forgets, my first appointment and her last :-) So the doctor and his assistant come in for my exam. The internal was just as uncomfortable as I remembered it to be but not that bad, I guess. They did an internal ultrasound and there was nothing much to see because it was so early. He said that my lining was thickening just like it should and he may have saw the beginning of the yolk sack formation but was not sure. Everything else anatomy wise looked great! Phew…. He explained to me that spotting is very common and it make be that my cervix is soft and with the increased blood flow to the cervix may be causing the spotting, which would be good because it is outside of where the pregnancy is. I am hoping and praying this is what is causing it!! I then had a full OB panel of blood draw and I have to go back on Monday to have it done again to make sure my hormones are increasing as they should. I now have all weekend and in all reality until next Wednesday to find out if the hormones are increasing. I then have a follow up ultrasound in two week to see if we can find the yolk sak, please let us find it :-) My appointment is the morning that Alex’s mom comes to visit, I really hope we have good news to share. The doctor warned me that I may have some spotting this afternoon because of the exam and I am relived and surprised that I have not experienced any. I also left with a goody bag of educational items and books which i can't wait to go home a read tonight!!!

“God is able to do immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine” Ephesians 3:20

“I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked him” 1 Samuel 1:25

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