Because my health coach told me to.....

That is part of the reason i am here ... because my amazing health coach told me to. Erin and I are using each other as practice clients for our certification to became a certified health coach. It has been amazing experiences so far! I went into being coach with the attitude of "good luck coaching a contemplator!" but i have made so many changes so far that have benefited me so much.

So here is my deal. I have had on again off again baby fever for years--yes even before we were married. After we got married baby fever struck hard at a very low time in my life. I had left a job that i absolutley loved and moved 600 miles away from everything and everyone . I was an overachiver in school and in past jobs and when i could not land a job for the life of me i sunk into a dark place that took a lot of helping hands to get out of. In Septemeber i landed my dream job with came with a great added bonus, a great friend. Erin and I started work on the same day and bonded from the begining. We were close in age and at similar points in our lives. I always felt that i could be open with her and to this day she knows more about me than anyone else--even those who have been in my life for years on end. My job also came with the most honest, compassionate, and caring co-workers anyone could ask for. They all saw me struggle being so far from my past and were always there with a "mindful" ear to listen and a hug to reassure me that things would get easier. I am so happy to say that things are wonderful now. Having these wonder co-workers which i more so consider my friends were able to bring out the old Sarah and make me happy again and enjoy all Indy has to offer. When the issue arose that Alex may be rolocated in the fall of 2009, i was devistated to think that i may have to leave Indy--because it was becoming home and i was happy. That dark cloud of that issue is starting to break up with some wonderful news we recived last Friday :-)

So back to baby land......

I started my job in Septmeber with that baby fever still burning when i met Erin who at that time was four months pregnany. She is now 35 weeks--wow how time flies. Needless to say she made the fever burn stronger. Alex was afraid of many things when it came to the subject of starting a family. He was afrain of the financial strain it would cause and was afraid of what he would be as a father. Many nights of crying took place because i could not fathum waiting much longer. The convorsations ended and i didn't talk it about it as much so that i would not annoy him with the constant nagging--i knew that he wanted children and i knew we wanted them sooner rather than later--so i had hope that he would come around. Fast forward to the begining of December. Alex started make a lot more remarks about how fun it will be when we have children and other positive comments about starting a family. After much debate i asked him while out to eat at Squeelers if he was feeling any different about starting a family--he said he was. I told him that i would love to have a baby by next Christmas and he agree that he would like that as well. We left that night with the agreement that we would start trying to concive :-)

Cycle 1 TTC

I was familiar with charting and all the signs of fertility so when our first cycle rolled around i felt ready to go at this knowledgably. We surrounded for optimal chances to concor--if you will. It is awful how much your mind can play games with you. In the weeks procedding i was eating everything in site, feeling the right pains, my temperature was still high, so forth and ect. I did not want to get my hopes up because this was cycle 1 and the chances even if everything went right were only 25%. The tests labeled "Results 5 days earlier" got the best of me and i decided to test on Monday -- 5 days become the due arrival of AF--negative of course but i didn't give up hope. Then Friday came along with AF, i was a little sad but happy that i knew because the suspence was killing me. I went shopping picked up a few pants and shirts on clearance and i felt a little better--retail therapy solves all my problems.

So here we are Cycle 2 and T-5 days until projects O-Day haha i love the termonology. I purchased an ovulation detecter kit to use this cycle just as a back up to hopefuly show me that everything is working, added reasurrance is all i needed.

So here i am with the answer to why i started this blog in the first place. I am writing because i want to stay positive. I do not was to be depressed each month when AF arrives. I want to be able to focus on the goal and stay positive--it will happen when it happens.

PS. I will probably still get my hopes up this month--i am praying that it happens :-)

That is another thing i wanted to say. I am praying that it happens this month and yes to be honest i was upset when i got AF last month and one of the many things that daughnts my mind it the fact that there are so many couples out there who have been trying to convice for years and years and i have no right to be upset after one month. It will happen i know it will i just need to stay postive, optimistic, and relaxed :-)

Have an awesome weekend!

Sarah